Whether I'm ready for it or not.
Denise gave me a book for Christmas - Letting Them Go by Dave Veerman. I started reading it this morning, and I find myself saying "Yep - I know what he's talking about" when he talks about the feeling of grief when you realize just how your family structure will change. I was pretty melancholy over the holiday when I'd stop to think about everything that will happen before next Christmas rolls around again. It was bad enough when Amanda left, but now James, too?? I just can't imagine this house without a kid in it. Poor Cinnamon. She'll be the only one left for me to focus all my Mom-energy on.
I sent an email to my brothers: "While I don’t doubt that life with young adults instead of kids will be just as good – and, in many ways, probably better, it’s still going to be…different. It’s the New Normal, and we’ll get used to it soon enough and enjoy it, but right now I’m sad to see this part of our lives drawing to a close."
But, in many ways, I am ready for it. My kids are happy and healthy. They're turning into delightful people, and I do look forward to relating to them on more of a peer-ish level. While still being their MOTHER, of course. Like they'd ever get out of that. Please.
And then there's the reason the kids are here in the first place. Randy and I had a weekend together - just the two of us! - in Dallas just before Christmas that was so great, and I know that's going to continue. Shoot, I married him because he was fun to be around, and he's just gotten to be even more fun as time has gone by. Who in the world knows what the future will bring for the two of us? Driving Route 66? An RV?? A Mediterranean cruise??? More weekends at The Home Depot?!?
More to my brothers: "I have enjoyed the heck out of these years and these children. From the time they were born, at every age they have been, I have looked at them and said “this time of their lives is perfect. This is the BEST age.” And then time passes, and I think “No, THIS is the best age.” And I know that I will always think, no matter the time or the age or the place or the circumstance, that EACH age is the perfect one."
Even the grown-up age.